Underneath the Tinsel: Understanding the Pressure to Be Okay During the Holidays
While the world is stringing up lights and singing about joy, many people are quietly wrestling with:
Grief
Loneliness
Family tension
Trauma triggers
Overwhelm
Exhaustion
You may be navigating pregnancy or postpartum emotions.
You may be carrying the stress of military life.
Or maybe you’ve experienced loss this year, and the holidays feel heavier than usual.
Whatever you’re holding — it matters.
And you don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
Why We “Perform” Happiness
Many individuals, especially those with trauma histories or high responsibility roles, learned early that:
“Don’t cause conflict.”
“Don’t burden others.”
“Keep the peace.”
“Smile.”
“Be strong.”
These internal messages form what IFS calls protective parts — the parts that put on the “I’m fine” mask.
During the holidays, those parts work overtime.
Signs You're Wearing a Holiday Mask
✔ Feeling drained after gatherings
✔ Feeling like you can’t say no
✔ Smiling while feeling numb inside
✔ Avoiding talking about your feelings
✔ Feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions
✔ Feeling overwhelmed but pushing through
If any of these resonate, your protective parts are doing their best to keep you safe.
But they don’t have to do it alone.
The Hidden Grief of December
Even in rooms full of laughter, people carry:
Anxiety about finances
Grief for loved ones
Resentment from family wounds
Fear of conflict
Trauma from childhood gatherings
Stress of deployments or long-distance relationships
Your experiences are valid — even if others can’t see them.
What Your Internal System Needs This Season
1. Safety First
Notice what situations feel activating.
Offer yourself permission to step away.
You don’t need to justify your boundaries.
2. Slowness
Trauma often speeds us up.
Healing asks us to slow down.
3. Softness
You don’t have to be strong every moment.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to feel lonely.
It’s okay to ask for support.
4. Connection — the Right Kind
Not everyone earns access to your tenderness.
Find safe people, not perfect ones.
5. Professional Support
Therapy provides a space where you can take off the mask without fear.
You Deserve a Holiday Season That Feels Real, Not Performed
At Paloma’s Serenity Counseling, we support individuals navigating stress, trauma, grief, postpartum emotions, military life transitions, and the deep internal pressures that surface during the holidays.
You’re not meant to carry this alone.
If the holidays feel heavy this year, schedule a virtual session with me. Safe, grounded support is here for you.
(720) 509-9084 • welcome@palomasserenity.com • www.palomasserenity.com